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| This is Steve... |
My husband and I moved cross country this past spring which required a crew of beefy, tireless guys packing, hoisting and dismantling our house for three days. I believe guys who bust their asses that hard deserve at least lunch on us.
Sandwich joints seem the same to me so I decided to order from the one with the funny commercials—let’s call them “Freaky Fast Frank’s.” From the minute I picked up the phone to order, let’s say, things got “freaky”…fast.
“Freaky Fast Frank’s, where everything is uh, delicious, and, uh, freaky fast, this is Steve.”
“Hi, Steve. I’d like to place an order to go.”
“This is Steve. May I take your order?"
“Yeah, uh, yes. I’d like three Lola Loves Turkey, two Cousin Vinnie’s, one Eat Your Veggies and two Tasty Tunas plus chips, pickles…
“Okay, three Lola Loves Turkey…what else?”
I could see this was not going to be freaky fast. “Okay, two Cousin Vinnies…one with no tomatoes.”
“Two. Cousin. Vinnies. No tomatoes.”
“Just one with no tomatoes. One Eat Your Veggies.”
“Just one no tomatoes. Anything else?”
“Yes, One Eat Your Veggies with hot peppers, please.”
“But no tomatoes?”
“No, not on the Veggie… I want tomatoes on the Veggie. No tomatoes on one Cousin Vinny.”
I slowed down to Steve’s pace for the rest as I repeated, “Two. Tasty. Tunas. Chips. And. Pickles. Eight large… iced… teas. By the way, I was trying to order online and I didn’t see iced tea on the menu. I assume you have iced tea?”
“Uh, I don’t know. I’ve never ordered online before.”
Of course, he hadn’t. This guy spent a lot of his time in general offline.
“Okay that’ll be $82.60 and it’ll be ready in 10 minutes.”
The minute I hung up I realized I was a sandwich short (the same could be said for Steve). So I called back.
“Freaky Fast Frank’s, where everything is uh, delicious, and, uh, freaky. This is Steve. May I take your order?”
“Hi, I just ordered a minute ago and I need to add another sandwich.”
“What’s the name?”
“Oh, I didn’t give you one…but I just ordered 8 sandwiches.”
“What’s your address?”
“I didn’t give you one. We’re picking it up.”
Dead silence.
“It was about an $80 order and I just placed it. I need to add another Lola Loves Turkey with chips.”
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| I just want some sandwiches!!! |
“What was the name?”
“I. Didn’t. Give. You. One.”
“Um.”
After a long pause, I realized I’d been put on hold. A different voice came back on the line.
“Hi, this is Rick. I’m the Manager. Can I help you?”
I told him I just wanted to add a sandwich to my order.
“Okay, what’s the name?” he asked.
“I didn’t give you a name or, an address. Look the order was a minute ago for about eighty bucks. Just add a Lola Loves Turkey with chips. That’s it. One more sandwich, one more bag of chips and one more iced-tea.”
More silence.
“Okay, got it. Steve! Did you find the order?” And with that, he hung up.
I went to pick up the order and things got even freaky-funnier.
Sure enough, Steve was at the register and he produced a box with the sandwiches and chips. “That’ll be $10.68.”
“$10.68? Are you sure? For nine sandwiches and nine iced-teas?” I looked around for a prank camera.
The manager overheard this and came careening toward the counter hip bumping Steve out of his way. “I’m sorry, ma'am. There appears to be a mixup with your order. The correct amount is $90.42 with the added sandwich and drink.”
With that Steve was back at the helm. “Uh, anything else?”
“Oh, yeah, where are our iced-tea cups?” I asked.
Steve blinked, “Um, I don’t think we have iced tea.”
I pointed to the two gigantic urns of tea at the beverage station. “Yes, you do. Oh, and can I have a box for the drinks?”
“We don’t have boxes” Steve replied.
I cleared my throat and pointed to the one I was holding with all the sandwiches.
Steve managed to find another box and I headed home.
The movers thanked us for lunch and dove into their sandwiches. That's when I heard one of them say after a big bite of his "Eat Your Veggies" sandwich, "Wow, that's weird! A veggie sandwich with no tomatoes."
Freaky.
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